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My Perspective On “Soul Mates”

Working with clients, I’m constantly getting the same questions over and over again in my sessions: “Is ______ my soul mate?”,  “When will I find my soul mate?”, and “Who is my soul mate?”

I really thought this topic warranted a little discussion here at the blog because I have a perspective on this that might surprise you. Our culture has romanticized our gender roles to a point where we’re meant to feel like we’re not complete without a life partner. It kind of makes sense when you think about it. We live in a world of polarity and we tend to attract people in our life who have qualities that are opposite of our own. So it’s natural to feel that lack of wholeness in world where we’re told over and over again that we’re not enough.

From my experience working in the Akashic Records and having Past Life Regression therapy, I can vouch for the concept of Soul Mates. They do exist, but I don’t think they’re what most people think they are. I believe we enter into soul contracts with people we incarnate with—even the people we have bad experiences with. What we often perceive as “good” and “bad” are simply agreements we have made with other souls in order to have certain learning experiences. “Soul Mate Contracts” are a type of agreement we make with a specific people in order to have major strides of growth and evolution in a short period of time.

So when you’re looking for that Soul Mate, keep in mind that…A soul mate could be a partner that constantly bosses you around in order for you to finally learn that you’re the only real authority in your life. A soul mate could be an abusive spouse you’ve spent FOUR lifetimes with sacrificing your safety in exchange for financial security. These are just a few examples here, but you get what I’m saying. Soul Mates can often be quite complicated relationships!

When I read for people in the Akashic Records and I reveal that the particular dysfunctional relationship a client is experiencing is actually Soul Mate relationship, people are generally surprised at first—but quickly acknowledge the magnetic attraction they have always had with that partner. It’s because they’ve have many past lives together (probably lives where their roles were reversed) and know each other on such a deep level that they continue to incarnate together to have these experiences together.

My opinion is that you don’t really want a “Soul Mate”, what you really want is the relationship that comes after those learning experiences have been checked off as complete. That’s where a lot of the real magic happens—when you can operate outside of the karma and polarity based relationships and from a newer paradigm. Even if your current relationship is dysfunctional, you can heal that relationship and turn it into one that you dream about—but you have to work together and have the learning experiences first. That partner has to support you in your own spiritual evolution and you have to support them in theirs.

Now I want to hear from you! What’s your take on Soul Mates? Do you agree with my perspective? Leave a comment below!

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34 Comments

  1. AJ,
    WOW!!! You just made me relize something that I haven’t been able to figure out for years. Yes I agree with you on the Soul Mates. I guess I just never thought about it like you discribed it just now. I know now why I keep returning to this guy. We can be away from each other for years…and we always end back up together. We can never let it go…
    It is the only thing that makes since. It tells me why we have what we have. Even if we go seperate ways, some how we always find our way back and then never realy let it go.

    Thank You for showing me the light!!! Keep up the good work!!
    Pam

    • Isn’t it really interesting? That’s what soul mates really are! We are SO magnetically attached to each other, we keep coming back for more. Thanks so much for your comment :)

  2. AJ,
    WOW!!! You just made me relize something that I haven’t been able to figure out for years. Yes I agree with you on the Soul Mates. I guess I just never thought about it like you discribed it just now. I know now why I keep returning to this guy. We can be away from each other for years…and we always end back up together. We can never let it go…
    It is the only thing that makes since. It tells me why we have what we have. Even if we go seperate ways, some how we always find our way back and then never realy let it go.

    Thank You for showing me the light!!! Keep up the good work!!
    Pam

    • Isn’t it really interesting? That’s what soul mates really are! We are SO magnetically attached to each other, we keep coming back for more. Thanks so much for your comment :)

  3. Yes, it seems that way to me, too. Some of our most challenging relationships are definitely soul ties. I like what you said about the relationship AFTER all of the work being the one you’d wish for. That seems to be what people are really after, when they are asking about “soul mates.”

    • I think so too Julie. I’ve seen client who’ve had the most challenging relationships, but when those lessons are learned, they become excellent relationships. I’ve also seen relationships that completely dissipate and fall apart from boredom when those lessons are learned. It’s really fascinating! I love your take on it too!

  4. Yes, it seems that way to me, too. Some of our most challenging relationships are definitely soul ties. I like what you said about the relationship AFTER all of the work being the one you’d wish for. That seems to be what people are really after, when they are asking about “soul mates.”

  5. Cool article AJ! I guess I still wish sometimes that there’s that “someone out there for me” where upon being totally at ease we are in perfect romantic alignment. I think that’s just fairy tale talk though :) And a distractor from the work that needs done ahead.

    • I think so too. There are a lot of people out there for you. You’re obviously an old soul, so you’ve got plenty of connections out there.

  6. Cool article AJ! I guess I still wish sometimes that there’s that “someone out there for me” where upon being totally at ease we are in perfect romantic alignment. I think that’s just fairy tale talk though :) And a distractor from the work that needs done ahead.

    • I think so too. There are a lot of people out there for you. You’re obviously an old soul, so you’ve got plenty of connections out there.

  7. Dear A.J is it possible that everyone in our life is our soul mates? i believe that everyone that comes into our life is there for a reason weather its for a moment,a year or a life time i think everyone has touched us before as we have touched them and our lessons are decided on before we come here its up to us to look listen and learn i do agree with you that some lessons we may not want but however bad or good it is its also meant to be so we are able to achieve our soul prepossess here on earth which is to become the universal light that is with in all of us to become unconditional loving beings. so let us show appreciation for all our lessons and learn from them and be thankful for all the people who come into our life.
    ps i may be wrong but i sorta think its actually that simple we are the ones whom make it difficult on ourselves.
    may the peace and universal white light be around and in you always

    • Hi Rose. We all have differing opinions here, but I personally don’t think so. I think most relationships in our lives have soul contracts, but I don’t believe they’re all “Soul Mate Contracts”. We create these kinds of contracts out of polarity and off of the perception that we “need” this other person in order to experience spiritual growth. It’s different than a contract we make out of someone in our soul family. This made a lot of sense 200 years ago when it was difficult for a woman to experience certain conditions in their life without a male counterpart. Women couldn’t own property, establish credit, or become CEO’s of companies. For a long time, we lived in a world where women embodied the Divine Feminine and men embodied the Divine Masculine. This isn’t the case anymore, at least here in the United States. The truth is that whether we’re male or female, we are whole beings who already embody both masculine and feminine energies. So even though we might have established a Soul Mate Contract 4 lifetimes ago, we don’t really need these kinds of contracts and I usually clear these from my client’s Akashic Records. That’s just my perspective and experience though.

  8. Dear A.J is it possible that everyone in our life is our soul mates? i believe that everyone that comes into our life is there for a reason weather its for a moment,a year or a life time i think everyone has touched us before as we have touched them and our lessons are decided on before we come here its up to us to look listen and learn i do agree with you that some lessons we may not want but however bad or good it is its also meant to be so we are able to achieve our soul prepossess here on earth which is to become the universal light that is with in all of us to become unconditional loving beings. so let us show appreciation for all our lessons and learn from them and be thankful for all the people who come into our life.
    ps i may be wrong but i sorta think its actually that simple we are the ones whom make it difficult on ourselves.
    may the peace and universal white light be around and in you always

  9. I love this! I’ve read similar insights about Twin Flames (which are different than Soul Mates) and actually, when you think about it, a Soul Mate just sounds like someone your Soul chose to hang out with in their lifetime.

    I think life long best friends are key examples of soul mates. For most people, their best friend are integral to their personal growth and to me, you obviously couldn’t be best friends unless you’ve made a soul contract. (And to me, the structure, feelings and workings of a best friend relationships are much more dynamic and growth inspiring than casual relationships – though I’d also say that [sometimes] work relationships can be soul mate contracts as well. Especially as an entrepreneur where a lot of the general consensus is finding your tribe – so maybe it’s more of a soul family thing? – versus trying to appeal to everyone).

    Anyway, awesome post!

    • I think you’re right about that. Soul Mates don’t have to be romantic either, although they usually are part of some kind of really close relationship. Something like parent/child relationships are what usually show up second to romantic relationships. I personally don’t believe in Twin Flames, but it doesn’t mean they’re not real—I’ve just never encountered them in readings. My guess is that if you did have a twin flame, you probably wouldn’t incarnate together in the same lifetime.

  10. I love this! I’ve read similar insights about Twin Flames (which are different than Soul Mates) and actually, when you think about it, a Soul Mate just sounds like someone your Soul chose to hang out with in their lifetime.

    I think life long best friends are key examples of soul mates. For most people, their best friend are integral to their personal growth and to me, you obviously couldn’t be best friends unless you’ve made a soul contract. (And to me, the structure, feelings and workings of a best friend relationships are much more dynamic and growth inspiring than casual relationships – though I’d also say that [sometimes] work relationships can be soul mate contracts as well. Especially as an entrepreneur where a lot of the general consensus is finding your tribe – so maybe it’s more of a soul family thing? – versus trying to appeal to everyone).

    Anyway, awesome post!

    • I think you’re right about that. Soul Mates don’t have to be romantic either, although they usually are part of some kind of really close relationship. Something like parent/child relationships are what usually show up second to romantic relationships. I personally don’t believe in Twin Flames, but it doesn’t mean they’re not real—I’ve just never encountered them in readings. My guess is that if you did have a twin flame, you probably wouldn’t incarnate together in the same lifetime.

  11. The term “soul mates” has taken on a romanticized meaning. I have found that the people you are attracted to arrive from past lives with unfinished lessons for the both of you. And it isn’t all about you. Everyone learns from their experiences. I prefer my personal term of “bond mates” as there is a spiritual bond, an agreement, a contract.
    However, I have seen friends become so fixated with the romantic vision that they tend to ignore the true “soul mates/bond mates” that come through, and ultimately, ignore the lessons. These relationships come to you to finish a life lesson so that both of you can continue to grow and evolve. They are not defined by gender or species as some pet owners may testify to.
    Two of my “bond mates” are gay males. We have grown with each other over the years, learned lessons and they are much beloved in a relationship that is very fulfilling for us. One would think we are married when we speak to each other. I love them every day along with my husband and family. Think of what would have been missed if my vision was narrowed to the romanticized version so many call “soul mates”.

    • “Bound Mates”, I love that, hehe. Sounds like we have a similar take on the topic!

  12. Weird I keep attracting this topic. I just had a reading with a psychic about my soul-mate and some of the wonderful stuff that will occur. He told me so much of the future tense that I wish I knew my past like previous lifetime with this person. I always got this feeling that I was going to die young when I’m going to meet this person. I don’t know why. The topic though is very interesting and of course I believe it. I know we’re suppose to teach each other something. I think that’s what makes life alot more interesting to live in. Anyways I’m not surprised this topic came into my lap again. I have a feeling that I’m going to attract this person soon though :)

    • Frank. Attract it now. You’re in charge, make it happen :)

  13. That’s a great article. I agree that people need to stop the belief that they need someone to make them feel whole. I never did care for the quote “You complete me.” As far as the term “soul mates,” I’ve heard and read similar versions to what you are saying by other spiritual teachers. They just use different terminology. I love your advice for attracting the right partner. I think that a partner is more likely to show up when you are in the right frame of mind about yourself and not focusing I thinking you have to have a partner to be happy.

    • Thanks so much Carolyn.

  14. That’s a great article. I agree that people need to stop the belief that they need someone to make them feel whole. I never did care for the quote “You complete me.” As far as the term “soul mates,” I’ve heard and read similar versions to what you are saying by other spiritual teachers. They just use different terminology. I love your advice for attracting the right partner. I think that a partner is more likely to show up when you are in the right frame of mind about yourself and not focusing I thinking you have to have a partner to be happy.

    • Thanks so much Carolyn.

  15. That was very interesting to read and I can resonate with a lot of it. What happens if you don’t learn your lesson with a soul mate do you both have to come round and do it again? Can you have a number of different soul mates in each lifetime?

    • Yes. I can honestly say yes. If that soul mate doesn’t help you with the lesson, you’ll experience others that will bring that experience for you.

  16. That was very interesting to read and I can resonate with a lot of it. What happens if you don’t learn your lesson with a soul mate do you both have to come round and do it again? Can you have a number of different soul mates in each lifetime?

    • Yes. I can honestly say yes. If that soul mate doesn’t help you with the lesson, you’ll experience others that will bring that experience for you.

  17. Hello AJ, thank you for the article. It may be weird to say, but my son and I have an incredible bond. It seems like we have been through life times together. I learn from him all the time. He humbles me. In my relationship I will come back and read this article when we have rough times to remind myself that I chose this to grow from. Peace and love to you.

  18. Hello AJ, thank you for the article. It may be weird to say, but my son and I have an incredible bond. It seems like we have been through life times together. I learn from him all the time. He humbles me. In my relationship I will come back and read this article when we have rough times to remind myself that I chose this to grow from. Peace and love to you.

    • Thanks Kandas!

  19. “Bound Mates”, I love that, hehe. Sounds like we have a similar take on the topic!

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