Other people DO NOT make you successful!

I’ve been thinking about writing this article for a long time and I finally decided that it’s time to unveil one of the biggest illusions we hold as a society. It’s the illusion that:

  • If only we could get onto Oprah, we’d be successful
  • If only we could get a shout out from someone famous, we’d be successful
  • If only we could get a job at Google, we’d be successful

It’s not even remotely true at all!

I can’t even begin to tell you how many people I know who have had media exposure to millions of people are not millionaires yet. I can count about 6 people who’ve had incredible opportunities like that—but at the end of the day, they’re really on their own just like the rest of us. Sure, exposure can help, but it doesn’t make us successful.

I used to hold the belief that other people defined me. I’d hire coaches, I’d woo the big shots, and I’d do everything I could to capture the attention of influential people. It makes sense in theory—but other people can only help you recognize and grow the qualities that already exist within you. I learned this from working with a coach. Nobody is responsible for our results, but us!

You see, when we look to outside influences to define our success, we are making them an authority. We’re taking our own Divine Power out of the equation and we’re giving that Power to others. We’re essentially spreading your vital force energy across multiple channels. This misalignment creates interference on an energetic level—making creation MUCH harder!

The illusion here is that we have to look outside of ourselves to create what we want. We believe we have to impress others. We believe work has to be hard. We believe we have to sacrifice. We believe we have to climb the corporate ladder. None of this is true!

Here’s the secret. You are powerful enough. You don’t need Oprah. You don’t need someone famous to give you a chance. You don’t need a permission slip from your parents, your boss, your boyfriend, or your coach. You’re in charge here!

So I want you to leave a comment below—where have you been spreading your energy to outside forces (thinking it will make you successful)? I’d love to know your experience!

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  1. Love this post AJ!!!! :) In the effort of looking “busy” and doing what we think “should” do, it squashes our true creativity! So many people need to hear this!

    • Thank you so much Shirley!!!!

  2. Great article…That’s right we don’t need Oprah! LOL….

    {you missed a typo..corporate ladder..}

    • Oh, thank you so much Christiane!

  3. Such great points AJ.. thank you! What you write is true for happiness and self image as well. Those things needs to come from within. Striving for confirmation for anything from outside ourselves be it success, happiness or self esteem will only take us away from who we are meant to be.

    Just do the work, the rest takes care of itself. :)

    • Thank you Lisa! Great insights!!!!

  4. Hah! This is good. And it’s interesting because many people who have had this businesses skyrocket – like Mastin Kipp from The Daily Love – got their initial spark from Oprah who re-tweeted them. And I once got a decent paying freelance writing gig because Ramit Sethi re-tweeted a compliment I paid to his work. So I can definitely see how hanging out with influential people is so enticing. Selena Soo – who got her business start by working with people like Marie Forleo – offered a webinar a few months/weeks back where she helped teach people how to reach out to influencers since they’re considered key to your success (if you want your business to be of a certain size). And I know that Ramit Sethi got his jump start through Seth Godin, who I believed he interned with several years ago.

    So in a way, your post is really counter culture. Entrepreneurs are encouraged EARLY on to rub elbows with people who can help them, and build relationships with influencers. Entrepreneurs are taught that the best way to get their business off the ground is to get seen by people who have large networks and can bolster your career (ie: strategic guest blogging).

    To answer the question – I’m not sure where I’ve been spreading my energy! My [new!] business is in its infancy, so I don’t have anyone who I want to latch onto yet (haha) but I know as I get further along, I’ll probably be sucked into comparing myself to others and wanting what they have and wishing they’d notice me (especially since, once you get down to it, everyone knows everyone – six degrees of separation is real!)

    Something that I’m trying to internalize now is that everyone is human – including the people you admire. So I’ve found this really helpful in being mindful of the realities of having a business (ie: it can takes YEARS to build a six figure business or even a regular business to sustain you financially) and all kinds of people appreciate love, support and kind words every now and then!

    Great post! :]

    • Thanks Tatiana. You know a lot of those people you mentioned were highly successful before they were amplified by those influencers. Mastin and Marie were both doing really well before Oprah. The truth is, they would have never gotten Oprah’s attention if they weren’t doing well already. They were already powerful people before and Oprah was able to amplify that.

  5. this illusion kept me bound until recently.

    • It’s unfortunate but true. It’s even true for coaches. Coaches are not responsible for your results, you are. They can only help you work with what you already have.

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